BAD TUNE MENU
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History of Fashion (Mr Creepy's band)
Bad Tune Men
Band of legend, Bad Tune Men, are increasingly evident as a major influence on important
recording artists of today & the day after tomorrow. Nodgy Stoat of grudge-
"Never mind about the music. They've sent me this rather interesting photograph. I wish I could show it to you. One of them appears to be wearing some sort of veil and one of them has one of the most serious cases of ears that I've ever come across." [(John Peel, Radio 1, 1985]
But Bad Tune Men were more than just a photograph. They were in fact 3 or 4 photographs.
And there was some music too sometimes, but that was mostly loud, discordant, rhythmic
and horrible and we don't like that sort of thing, do we, Uncle Mary? After a few
years of gigging acrimoniously around London and the South East of England in the
early-
Bad Tune Men made 2 vinyl records. The first was a double A sided 7 inch featuring "Do the swamp" and "Dark ages". Perhaps it was due to the length of each of the songs (both about 6 minutes long) that the finished product was overcompressed and lacking the dynamic bang bang wallop wallop yah etc which the band conjured up (and down) in their live performances. 1986 saw the release of the glorious 12" single "Jail Head Rack", opening with "Krog", widely reckoned to be the No.1 Bad Tune, followed by "The Lines are Down", "4C", "The Cage" and "Ignore Them (A Trap)" plastered in brilliant artwork by Rian Hughes.
(from left: The one in the veil, The one with serious ears, The one wearing a top
hat, The one on the right)
Photo credit: Dr Alan Forster
Bad Tune Men gigs tended to be spectacular events. The dismembered limbs of toy
dolls dangled menacingly from netting draped across the ceiling in front of the band's
eponymous mask backdrop and supplementary hand crafted mask sculptures, with band
members leaping around frantically as if their underwear was infested with interminably
interested insects. At times band members' on-
Who were the mysterious and wonderful people who made up this mysterious and wonderful band?
Mr Creepy -
Ratty -
Blob -
Ed -
Where are they all now?
Somewhere else. They never used to speak to each other if they could help it and now there really is no need to do so at all. Sometimes they phone each other up and say nothing just as a reminder that they are still ignoring each other.
What was the band's favourite colour?
Actually this is not a frequently asked question.
Does Blob have his own fan club?
I'm not telling you. This isn't his site. It's mine.
Please could you list the titles of all the band's songs. It would mean the world to me.
Weren't Bad Tune Men interviewed by No Class magazine at one point? Does that interview still exist?
Yes they were but it's highly unlikely that anyone would have put that interview online.
Can I see the words to some of their songs?
Is it true that the band were formed through adverts in Melody Maker and Sounds?
Yes -
Is it true that the band were formed through adverts in Melody Maker and Sounds?
You just asked that question a second ago. Pay attention.
Is it still possible to get hold of a copy of the legendary mini-
Yes.
How?
I'm not telling you.
Why not?
Why should I?
Would you at least show me what the cover of Jail Head Rack looks like?
OK. Here it is.
Isn't there a bit missing?
Yes.
Am I right in thinking that, despite its superficial banal urbanity, the band's
name, 'Bad Tune Men', is in fact a Pali/Sanskrit-
No.
What is love, Aunty Ethel?
I think you're on the wrong page.
What did the Bad Tune Men do after Bad Tune Men?
After a short spell with Purgatory & the Laxatives, guitarist Mr Creepy went on to record the memorable ballad "Hoof" in tribute to Shergar under the name of The Currency Exchange Training Course Supervisors. He now lives in a hole in the ground with a French sounding name as he plans to take over the local council as part of his next bid for world domination under the banner of History of Fashion, continuing the traditions of his Bad Tune Men days as a street icon for cool dress sense.
Almost elected Green Party MP for Crawley in the 1993 UK general election, Ratty's more local bid for power was foiled only by the fact that nobody actually voted for him, not even he himself, as he had misunderstood the ballot paper and accidentally voted instead for the Capitalist Carnivores for Totalitarianism & Fox Hunting party. He went on to be 2nd lead turnip plucker with Gumpf, sharing lead vocals on several of their purely instrumental songs. He continues to play bass for various bands in & around Sussex whether they want him to or not.
Drummer Blob went on to co-
Fortunately, nothing is known about what happened to the 4th member of Bad Tune Men, Id, after the band split up.
Are there any videos of Bad Tune Men heckling the crowd at the Zap Club in Brighton?
Yes and it was on YouTube, but Blob, in his wisdom, removed it by mistake. To be
fair to him, there are many people who struggle to understand the meaning of complex
internet language such as "delete" and "confirm" and "are you really sure, you ginger-
Creepy has since posted an incredibly poor quality audio version
of an entire gig there though…
Which one of Bad Tune Men do you like best?
Cast your vote by clicking
on the name or the image
Blob
Mr Creepy
Ratty
Everyone's talking about ego-
-
I think I'll tell you about me.
I'll tell you my life story. It will only take a week or two.
ME! -
ME! -
ME! -
ME! ME! ME! -
Each spoilt self-
looks for a wife to be his surrogate mother.
And each neurotic woman talks on but skirts the subject
-
ME! -
ME! -
ME! -
ME! ME! ME! -
Bad Tune
music by Ed Hooke & Billy Forbes 1983, words by Ed Hooke 1984 -
Boys and girls come out to play.
A call for your attention.
Time is dear but time you give
and what do you get?
-
There is a crisp bag.
It is in the garden.
There are some newspapers.
They are strewn
along the street.
This, this is our garden.
This, this is our street.
This, this is our city.
This is our land.
Bring back the death penalty
for litter criminals!
Carrier bags are very useful
for carrying things and suffocation.
I don't think they look nice on the grass.
They are not good for the animals to eat.
This, this is our garden.
This, this is our street.
This, this is our country.
This is our home.
Bring back the death penalty
for litter criminals!
Trapped here.
Dark. Cold.
Could be worse
I suppose.
Don't forget to smile.
Young's slits.
Zebras and tigers.
Worry won't worry the bars.
Don't forget to smile
and I'll try to smile for you.
Out!
Another cage.
A different shape.
Made to measure perhaps?
A microcosm of our lives.
All the world's a cage but it's our home too.
I'll smile for you
so don't forget to smile for me.
Between the bars
the warm sun shines in
and floral scents waft through.
The bars can't separate me from you.
It seems there has to be a cage
-
A land of kings and queens.
Rule by divine appointment.
A church of righteousness
but all is not well.
A time of threat to our morals.
Let us pray for a return to the light
in these dark ages.
A God-
We are surrounded
by Heathen Sinners!
Oh Lord most high
we beseech Thee
in Thy mercy
expurgate this stain!
Behold -
Our creed is based on fact.
Historically proven.
No argument can change that!
To even doubt is sacrilege.
This is your conscience speaking.
Dark ages!
Educated from an early age.
Lessons learned for a lifetime.
I'm just a simple man
but I know what is right
n the eyes of God!
Hallelujah!
A vision of heaven that I've never seen....
but Faith is my trusty sword
-
Dark ages!
Acknowledge and repent your sin
-
Waking up, feeling like blotting paper
Living in a swamp.
Swamp creatures wallow in it all around.
Don't want to know.
Want to know something.
Look for others who feel the same.
Maybe we'll look together.
The Alternative Seekers!
-
What pretensions!
-
So lethargic.
Many little things to be done.
Leave me alone!
I watch the stars
but I don't know what they mean.
Join the others in their pre-
I have to eat too.
And you say "look on the bright side"?
Do you think I choose to be this way
(yeah yeah yeah) Do the Swamp.
(yeah yeah yeah) Do the Swamp.
(yeah yeah yeah) She loves you.
(yeah yeah yeah)
The Alternative Seekers!?
-
Little boys at play.
Scrambled speech.
Awkward replies.
Can't find the right words.
Sort it out on paper with unhurried mind.
Put what I want to.
Please don't throw my paper away.
Conversation hurries along with no time to wait.
What are my feelings?
Not the first thing that comes into my head.
Do you really want to know what I think?
Or would you like some cliches?
Then talk to my body.
My mind couldn't get here in time.
Initial encounter.
First impressions frequently mislead.
Totally ignorant of character.
Regardless drawn in by a vortex to your face.
Insomnia tonight.
An independence struggle.
I sing the old song of lust at first sight.
Guilt-
Logic is absent, but is logic my desire?
Hypothalamic-
Fantasising now -
I'm out of my control.
Insomnia tonight.
Forces from within.
Lust at first sight.
Insomnia tonight.
Haunted by your face, your face, your face
and your contours.
Over and over and over.
Insomnia.
The pleasure and the pain.
Redeeming saviour pride.
Gravitational pull.
Two different worlds collide.
Incompatible.
I'm out of my control.
A hopeless case of lust at first sight.
What did they say today?
Did they say your Gemini sister's
the cuckoo in your nest?
How did they guide your way?
When the whistling wolves insinuate
do you take their bait?
They're short and Aries in Sagittarian trousers.
Your boyfriend is Leo.
Do you think that he's a lion to you?
You search for truth in the daily oracle.
With Aquarian vagaries
are they taking the Pisces?
It's pure Taurean output!
Can't you see?
Can't you see?
What did they spout today?
Did they Capriciously promise
true love for the Virgos?
What fate awaits these propheteers themselves?
Will the sting in this Scorpio's tale
be death by Cancer?
or murder by unbalanced Librans?
Can't you see?
Can't you see?
Can't you see?
School -
you used to smile at me across the room.
We helped each other with a homework or two
and after that we sat together.
Let's go to dances and to the pictures.
Have you ever had a Chinese meal?
Let's go on holiday together
-
Happy life.
Happy life.
Strange how all the years go racing past.
Shame our honeymoon week couldn't last.
I wanted it to last forever.
We've got a quiet suburban house.
We will work hard to pay the mortgage off.
And maybe we can have a couple of kids
and watch them growing up.
Happy life.
Isn't it a happy life?
This is everything that we could wish for
-
-
And when the kids have flown the nest
we'll have each other to ourselves again.
And with a little we've put aside
we'll thank the Lord for our contented minds.
Happy life -
Oh I'm your husband and you're my best friend.
Happy life.
Wasn't it a happy life?
Always been alone.
Always thought for yourself.
Always tried to work out what is true.
You're set in your beliefs
because you know you're right.
No-
I believe we can all believe
what we want to believe is true.
Get away from self-
and see the other person's view.
Never been alone.
Never thought for yourself.
Easily attached to everybody else's ideas.
You're set in their beliefs.
You follow like a sheep.
They know you're thick, but you're tough
so you're still one of the gang.
I believe we can all believe
what we want to believe is true.
Get away from self-
and see the other person's view.
But being open-
Being open-
Sometimes up.
Sometimes not.
From apathy to heaven and back.
Somebody is living in the cage that is my head.
He is my best friend most of the time.
Sometimes he is not at home, a cause for some concern.
Maybe he is best left alone.
I fluctuate.
When the mist lifts from the morning's stream
the afternoon is like a river
stagnant or swiftly flowing into the ocean of the evening.
Come alive and die! (or 'Come sailing with me')
Each downhill exhilaration means one more hill to climb.
It's simple harmonic emotion.
The sacred sine-
the vague meanderings of my freewill.
I fluctuate.
I remember Summer warmth -
but Autumn tears fell like leaves from our tree.
Winter closed in.
I thought I'd never love again
-
I fluctuate.
So cool you turn to ice.
So enigmatic -
So hip you can't walk straight.
So what?
Dogmatic egotist.
Cynical, self-
Each finger you point points three at you.
You don't see them -
What are you trying to prove?
Who are you trying to impress?
Dimension tally: one.
Cloistered, compressed and cold.
Cardboard cut-
Unfold!
Look up and see the light
at the end of your tunnel vision.
The only one you've deceived,
and that you've been hiding from
is yourself.
What are you trying to prove?
Look up and see the light!
Blind archer, fire! Fire away!
Why don't your friends tell you your score?
Perhaps they were all slain by your arrows
so even if you hit the target, you'd never know.
Straitjacket creed
fettering what you could be.
Padded-
you have the key!
You have the key!
Look up and see the light!
You have the key!
Long distance conversation.
Telephone line.
I hear a waver in your voice
and then I hear no more.
Since you stopped talking to me I can't do anything.
The lines are down.
What can I do?
The problem seems to be at your end.
Are you as powerless as I?
or blissfully unaware?
Starting to wear through my carpet
(pacing) up and down, up and down.
There is so much we have still to discuss
-
Since you stopped talking to me I can't do anything.
The lines are down.
The lines are down.
The lines are down.
All around the lines are down.
She seems to overpraise -
but I like it.
I want to believe what she says.
Without a hint of sexuality
but something deeper (mental pressure)
Magnet has her way.
Attract and repel!
-
She's got a fine line in flattery and disdain
with a fine line inbetween.
Suddenly I find I crossed that line.
A flash of her eyes as she purses her lips in a fleeting sneer
psyching me down.
Attract and repel!
-
I find it hard to believe that this is how you are.
I've come around to thinking it's a complex façade.
I may be metallic but now I'm polarised.
Once bitten, twice shy.
I'm really getting sick of your tactics.
Attract and repel!
-
We have to tell the truth.
You're much too clever to be fooled.
You have our figures
with the errors of the past corrected.
See! Your lives are better! Yes!
Look to the East
-
The error of Red ways
is there exposed in black and white.
Do you envy them? No!
Friends!
Your memories can play you tricks.
Nostalgia's an illusion.
The improvement is obvious for all to see.
We all agree.
and if your memory's defective
then you must be ill
so we'll care for you
in a hospital by the sea.
And you appreciate,
we find we must protect our state
from those who would wreck your prize
corrupted by the Eastern lies.
These Commies stop at nothing!
We all must sacrifice
certain things close to our hearts
-
-
Semi-
-
Floating.
I'm looking down at myself.
The pain is over now, I think.
I'm getting smaller.
Smaller.
Is this the end?
A lifetime
rolled up in a ball.
Which way will the ball roll?
Who knows?
I'm all alone now.
All alone.
Wracked with despair -
-
I met a man one day.
He said "come this way".
He explained to me how my life could be.
I just want to be happy.
Wracked with despair -
-
They all took my hand.
My hand!
and they smiled.
"There is work to do."
"Why don't you come too?"
I just want to be like them.
My family have said "it's not right".
I wish they understood I've found my place.
How I was before was just a shell.
Now I'm complete, fulfilled, at one with the world and myself.
Now there is work to do.
Why don't you come too?
Won't you come and join us too?
I'm not versed in Marx.
I've not ploughed through the works of Lenin.
I've not read Mein Kampf
nor the Tory manifesto.
But I've read the Sun
and the Daily "Win a Million" Express
-
"We the British public will not be fooled."
Oh yeah??
Staining your fingers and your mind
but you don't see it happening.
Afterwards you wash your fingers......
I don't believe what the newspapers tell me.
I don't believe Britain's a democracy.
I don't believe the British public have brains.
I don't believe it's essential that you believe me.
The East and the West:
I sometimes think they've a secret agreement
for keeping us down
(diversionary tactics).
Mutual distrust creates equilibrium.
That's how the cookie crumbles
but look whose plates are underneath.
I suppose I can't really blame them.
I'd screw you too if I had power
-
I mean, no-
And so when no-
you may just push further up the queue.
"Well everyone does it so it's OK."
but you know that's not true!
I don't believe that the Russians are coming.
I don't believe the Conservatives.
I don't believe the Trade Unions.
I don't believe in true R.O.M.A.N.C.E.
The man on the soapbox seems sincere.
The woodworm doesn't seem to matter.
Far be it from me to preach....
-
I don't believe in soapboxes.
I don't believe that I always tell the truth.
I don't believe that Man.United are the greatest.
I don't believe that Jesus died for me.
I don't believe in woodworm.
I don't believe in life after alcohol.
I don't believe that I'm Elvis Presley.
I don't believe in organised endings.
I don't b
Oceans of zilcho lifestyle.
This alien drowns in disgust.
Girl of this chlorine climate.
Her attraction I can live without.
Tongue-
A nation swallows and sings along.
Foot and mouth -
Helpless I watch her put her dancing shoes on.
Space -
It's inside you. It's inside you.
Space -
I'm so spaced out I don't know if I'm here or there
I'm probaby both.
Don't beat about the bush.
Instead hack through the undergrowth of clichéd think-
Choose which fence you're going to sit on.
I'll bang my head against the wall.
The boot is on the other foot playing a completely different ball game.
Space -
Space -
Space -
You caught my eye
as you were swept along by the current,
rushing by
gushing "bye bye".
A Trap (Ignore Them) 
words by Ed Hooke, music by Ed Hooke & Billly Forbes April
1983 -
For our kind
eyes at the front.
View determined by head position.
Head position determined by the view.
How we see and how we are seen have these limitations.
Vainly I hope to view the whole.
Wouldn't it be nice to think we're in control of who we are?
But there are elements within us that we cannot understand
that we can't suppress, let alone control.
We ignore them but they're still there!
Your head must be in the wrong direction.
I can see what I can see
and I am right and you are wrong
and I can't see why you don't understand.
I see the traps but still fall in.
Must try harder.
Your life bounces merrily along
sometimes slipping, rarely falling,
twisting to seek its own direction
-
My concerns are of no importance.
Free from these shackles you race along,
leaping first and looking later,
sometimes in my envious, caring gaze.
But would I prefer to see you topple?
-
or would I rather watch your carefree success
which seems to prove me wrong?
Would I want you to agree?
-
Would you want to know the truth?
or would it push you further away?
Questions, questions, captured in my mind.
Your speed prevents you hearing.
Did you say that that's the way you like it?
Did you ever stop and think?
Stop and think!
Your life bounces merrily along,
sometimes slipping, rarely falling,
twisting to seek its own direction.
You're out of my reach.
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A Heaven of Your Own |
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Neighbourhood Watch |
Wake Me Up Before You Go- (or was that someone else?) | ||||
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Peter Grows Tulips | |||||
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Light Years |
Reflections |
Sunlight |
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Clocks, Cobwebs & Chalk |
Sea- |
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Transient |
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Review of Jail Head Rack on Amazon.co.uk
“Damn fine. Gosh, I wish bands were like this nowadays. Bad Tune Men were not afraid to take risks and it shows in this damn fine album. I wonder what happened to them”
[Matt is not cool , 30 August 2013]